“An unintentional life accepts everything and does nothing. An intentional life embraces only the things that will add to the mission of significance.” – John C. Maxwell, “Intentional Living”

I say “yes” because I fear saying “no”. In a world where “busy” is a badge of honor, I give my time out without concern, striving to win that accolade. 

Have you ever done this? 

In a conversation with a teammate, you lamented how full your inbox is and how little time you have to respond to any email.

You walked into a meeting or logged into a video conference late, immediately justifying yourself by explaining you’ve “been in meetings all day and are just running back to back to back.”

You send messages and emails late at night, secretly hoping someone will notice the time stamp and think, “Wow, they are swamped. They sent that email at 1:00 AM!”

I’ve done all those things. I thought they would win me the respect of other people. They would see my “busy badge” and compliment me. 

Instead, I just wound up exhausted and angry. 

Our time is a zero-sum game. You cannot create more hours daily (regardless of what kind of weird math you use). You cannot make your sleep more effective, so you require less. There is a decline in performance after a certain amount of hours worked, even if you think your output quality remains the same. 

But despite this, many of us still live this way. We find ourselves blown from one place to another, saying “yes” to anything because we are afraid of saying “no” and never asking why we are doing anything in the first place. 

I know what you are thinking right now because I’ve been there. 

“But you don’t understand. I have to do those things.” 

Accept this reality: You are the master of all your choices. 

If you pull on that thread, “I have to do these things,” with enough “why, though,” you will find that the ultimate origin was your decision. The issue, at the core, is that you let it get out of hand. Somewhere along the line, you stopped being intentional with your time, energy, and focus and let things spiral into a bloated inbox and task list. You opened up the gates of your calendar and let everyone take until you had nothing left. You got used to telling the important people in your life that you were too busy, believing they would look at your “busy badge” and understand. You thought your spouse would be OK with the missed date nights and your kids wouldn’t mind the missed performances, practices, and meet-the-teacher nights. 

“Oh, my dad isn’t here because he is busy. Isn’t that amazing? He is a busy dad, and I am so proud of him,” – no child ever. 

Intentional living isn’t just a self-help maxim; it’s a biblical mandate. Jesus tells his followers that their “yes should be yes” (Matthew 5:37) and that they should be intentional when traveling and preaching so they don’t bring along more than is needed (Mark 8:6-9). 

Intentionality allows us to focus on the things that matter rather than the extra pieces that get in the way. Intentionality enables us to leverage our gifts and talents for the parts of our life mission that matter most. 

If any of this resonates, there are three key steps to take to reclaim intentionality:

1. Do an audit of where you said yes. Look at all of your commitments. Where have you said yes? Are these the right commitments? Do they align with your gifts, talents, and mission? Do you feel God has called you to them, or did you agree just because you “felt like you should” or that you were required to do so?
2. What commitments can you get out of? To be clear, you may need to ride through some commitments, even if you hate them. We must fulfill our promises, but you can still kindly ask to be released from an obligation. This principle also means letting go of areas where you may be passionate but that don’t fulfill your higher purpose, mission, and vocation. 
3. Set boundaries for saying “yes” and “no” and establish a process. I discuss speaking and consulting project commitments with my wife. That’s part of the process. Before that, I ask if I feel qualified for the ask – if I don’t, I don’t even bring it to my wife. I know my boundaries, and that filter alone helps me stay focused. 

If you feel overwhelmed and out of control, intentionality will help you reclaim order. Reclaiming intentionality isn’t necessarily a quick process. You may need to ride out a few commitments. You will continue to do tasks outside your higher purpose until you delegate and train people for them. You will make hard decisions, cutting out things that you like but aren’t allowing you to focus on what is truly important. The grind is worth it because intentionality is freedom, and that freedom allows us to step into the pathways that God wants to open up so we can live out the unique mission to which he has called each of us.